We are looking into have a Q & A page where donors can answer as many of these questions as they are comfortable with, within their DSR posting. For now though, here is a listing of some of the things donor conceived people would like to know about their unknown sperm donors. If you are currently a posted donor, answering some of these questions within the body of your posting (until we create a separate page just for the Q & A’s)  would be very helpful.

What types of skills come from your family (art, scientific,
farming??)
Do I have siblings?
Where did you grow up?
When did you start to see gray hair?
Are there illnesses in the family (asthma, diabetes, high blood
pressure, heart disease, cholesterol, Alzheimer’s, learning
disabilities, mental illness, alcoholism, drug abuse?
Do you wear glasses?
Are there twins in the family?
Why did you donate sperm?
What was the most adventurous thing you’ve ever done?
Do you speak any other languages?
Do you have a sense of humor?
What type of sports do you like?
What type of art do you like?
Are you religious? Spiritual?
What political party do you belong to?
What organizations do you support?
What size shoe do you wear?
What are your pet peeves?
If you won the lottery, what wish would you make come true?
What career did you want to follow as a child?
What is your favorite food?
What is your favorite animal?
When is your birthday?
Do I have any uncles, aunts?
If you are married, does your wife know that you donated?
What are your hobbies?
Do you play an instrument?
Are there any interesting stories about your early childhood/
development?
What are your values?
What type of moral behavior is important to you?
What is the average height in your family?  How tall are your mother,
sisters & aunts or father, brothers, & uncles?
Do you like to travel?
Are men bald in your family?
What kind of books do you read?
How do you handle conflict?
Are you kind?
Are you happy?
Did you have a good relationship with his parents?
What is your favorite vehicle?
Do you worry about the environment?
Do you hunt?
Are you a vegetarian?
Do you openly trust people?
Do you have many friends?
Do you like to dance?
Do you like to sing?
What type of music do you like?
What type of landscape is your favorite?
What is your favorite season and why?
May I have a photo of your parents or grandparents?
Are there things that you hoped to pass on to me?
Do you think about me?
Who have you told?
How did your ancestors come to this country?
Are you married?
What is your profession?
Do you have children? If so, will you tell a bit about them?
How did you meet your wife/husband/significant other?
What’s your favorite joke?
What is the saddest thing that ever happened to you?
What’s the funniest thing that ever happened to you?
What generation do you feel a part of?
What great cause do you feel strongly about?
Which ancestor do you admire most?
What’s your family’s “brush with history”?
What did your ancestors do for a living?
What was your childhood like?
What subject in school were you best at?
What brand/model was the first car you drove? Owned?
What does that type of car say about you?
Do you have a nickname? How did you get that nickname?
Where have you traveled? Farthest? Most memorable?
What is you dream destination and why?
What is your best accomplishment or proudest moment of your life (so far)?
Favorite memory of mother?
Favorite memory of father?
Favorite memory of grandparents?
Did you get into trouble as a child?
What was the worst thing you did as a child?
Share one of the “stories you never told your parents”?
Who were your friends when you were young?

Here is something else to ponder…we are seeing sibling groups with
wide age gaps in age, one group has kids listed that are 19 years
apart, one just posted today with kids 12 years apart.

When will banks start taking sperm off the market that was donated in
the 80’s or 90’s? How would this affect the kids being born and the
donors who could be very old by the time offspring try and contact them?

I think that sperm banks should be telling prospective buyers when the
first kids were born from their donor. Oh, right….they do not
necessarily know, as they do not keep accurate records.

Also, families that buy multiple vials can also store the sperm
indefinitely. What if a future relative wanted to use the sperm…oy,
the implications are pretty weird.

As most of you know, the sperm banks are unaware of exactly how many kids are born from any given donor. (Estimates are that only 40% of women report back on their live births). We have quite a few very large groups of half siblings listed on the DSR. In my conversations with the sperm banking industry, it’s become to clear to me that they have no clue as to why this might be an issue for families. One sperm bank director said to me, after I mentioned that one donor had more than 100 offspring that we knew of, “I don’t see what the issue is, as long as they do not live in the same geographic area…”.

Can any of you who are in larger groups share your experiences? I know that all the larger groups are mostly made up of children under the age of 5, so it will be while before we can hear from the donor conceived as to what these numbers mean to them, but any parents willing to share their perspectives on this? (Many in the larger groups have actually removed their information from the DSR.)

One issue that I am acutely aware of is that the larger the group, the  less likely the donor is to make contact. We have had donors come and join the DSR, make contact with a few offspring, and then remove their information because they could not deal with the growing number of offspring. (For one group, a donor actually removed his information at the insistence of one of the moms, who didn’t want any more families in their “group”.) So basically for these kids, it can become a “first come, first serve” type of situation.

Knowing that many of these kids will indeed be interested to know their donors, this is an inherent problem then, as the kids in the larger groups have a much lower chance of ever connecting with their donors.

A few other issues that I can think of: The larger the group, the harder it is to share important medical information. In fact, if not for the DSR, families who use the same donor would not be able to share medical information at all. For the donor conceived children of the 90% of heterosexual couples who never tell their children the truth, the more children out there, the more possibility of dating a half sibling.