This page is for donor offspring. It includes stories, advice, articles, and research related to donor offspring.

2016: CBC: Canadian sperm donor registry overdue, families say. Many Canadian donor-conceived kids turn to the Donor Sibling Registry to connect with half-siblings. "Now the online resource boasts more than 51,000 members and claims to have helped unite more than 13,000 half-siblings and donors. [Wendy] Kramer said the website has become an essential resource for children conceived through sperm donation around the world. The site is managed and operated with the help of membership fees. 'For Canadians, I think it's really important to be on the Donor Sibling Registry, as that's the one point of contact,' Kramer said. 'U.S. sperm banks ... claim on their websites that they ship to 40, 50, 60 countries around the world.' Kramer said she's tried to get government agencies to pay attention. 'We've gone everywhere and asked for help. We've gone to senators, legislators, the National Institutes of Health. We've gone to the Surgeon General, U.S. Federal Drug Administration, everywhere. And nobody wants to help.'"

Stacy and Chris's Story: "At 27 years old, finding a brother has been both exciting and a little scary at first.... I'm already a 'grown up,' with opinions and likes/dislikes fully formed, who now has someone else out there with similar traits, that has my same DNA coursing through his body! After four months of talking and emailing from Seattle to Togo, West Africa, where he [was] a Peace-Corps Volunteer, we finally met in person. It was AMAZING. Like looking in a mirror but better, because there was a three-dimensional, living, breathing person standing in front of me, with my eyes and nose and smile and posture and hands, and big toe ... the list goes on and on. (More than one stranger has asked if we are twins!)"

Stacy and Chris allowed their meeting to be filmed by Oprah, and there wasn't a dry eye was in the house when the piece aired in 2008. More from Stacy about their experience: 
A "Twin" Brother!

More half-sibling connections made on the Donor Sibling Registry:

2022: Watch Ryan Kramer and his half-sister Jami in the Jewish Fertility Foundation's 1-hour interview.

2021 Trevor Love's Story: The event that most influenced my path forward in life happened when I was in 6th grade. A momentous event in the life of a child, it represents the first tangible sign of growth from a child to a young adult, it is a time when the individual is at its most malleable and the trajectory of one's life is easily changeable. That is why whenever my mother told me that I was donor-conceived and that my father was not biologically related to me in the slightest, it changed everything about my life to the core of my being. It made me question who I really was, and the truth of my being has been the mystery that has been key to my life ever since then. The rabid pursuit of tangible and existential knowledge has been at the forefront of my life because of the hunger for some understanding of the state of my being. So many questions about my existence and abstract ideas such as the definitions of paternity and paternal relationships overall have had an effect on me that is unmeasurable. Especially because whenever my mom found the donor, his adverse reaction to my existence, and the regret and disdain he had for his decision to bring me into life made me question the deservedness of my existence.
But there are other ways that news has changed my life. It gave me a community. Another family to rely on that at this point in my life I wouldn’t be able to live without. Twenty-five half-siblings and all of the parents of these children have created an indescribable support system in my life. All of these people have a deep and complex understanding of how I feel, which is somewhat rare for someone who has come from the circumstances that I have. We all have found comfort within ourselves that would have been impossible without the community in which I have luckily found myself in. I have a group that whenever I am feeling bad or I need someone to ask questions with I can be understood. These people are of utmost importance in my life, because they help me understand myself and my existence like no one else has ever been able to before, and understanding my existence is the most important thing to me. They have changed me forever.
Not only by giving me a support system, however. The circumstances of my birth have completely opened my mind to so many things. This is because people who are donor-conceived are born into so many different positions. The reasons for sperm donor conception vary greatly between families. And I have met, stayed with, and loved so many people who are so beautifully different in their own ways it has opened my eyes to people. Expanded a worldview that otherwise would have been so closed with my lack of perspective on so many things. I am eternally grateful for the opportunity to be changed for the better in this way. I couldn’t imagine myself any other way; being shut off to the world and not being able to empathize and understand people in the way I do now. The closure of my mind is a nightmare I would rather not think about.
That’s why no matter how confusing my life gets, and how existential my thoughts get, sometimes questioning my existence and the many paths my life can go down, and my habit of sometimes finding myself stuck in the infinite possibilities of life. That state of being in my opinion is infinitely better than the alternative of being stuck in the finite and finding my definition of life within societal norms, and I think that the conditions of my birth and the effects that it had on my life are paramount in my ability to live outside of the box that would have confined and asphyxiated my life.

2020: Carissa's Story: "After a year knowing the TRUTH I am ready to share this information. I am not afraid to talk about it and I am not ashamed. This post is still NOT EASY to write though, as it puts me in a super vulnerable place. I have pondered this many times. How would I share this information? How would people interpret it? Would they tell me to be thankful for what I had or would they be upset? Would they not understand? (Which honestly MOST do not unless they have walked this same path.) I will try my best NOT to have any expectations for this post and hope that I will receive love, understanding, grace, and support. I am putting myself out there but this is WHO I AM and I should not have to HIDE IT anymore as my parents did to me. This will be long so if you're at all interested please bear with me.

My parents were divorced when I was 2 (born in Alaska). My mom married my step-father and he raised me most of my life. I still always had a longing all my life to be more like my Father. I questioned our similarities, qualities, and even asked his blood type, but little to no avail — answers were scarce and far from in between. He had other children. I questioned that and wanted to find my siblings, however there was again little conversation about it. I asked about my health and his family's health ... again little to no answers, but I always knew he was my Dad deep down inside.

My dad passed away over 2 years ago and I longed to find my siblings. So, I took an Ancestry test of course. ;) I knew right away I probably would not know all the people as there are so many that show up: 1st, 2nd, 3rd cousins, etc. Six long weeks later my test came back and it was VERY STRANGE, to say the least. I did not know almost any of my top matches. I never really knew any of my dad's side of the family so I figured I wouldn't know their names but I wasn't seeing any with my dad's last name come up. It was so weird. I did see some relatives on my mom's side though. However, within hours some of my top matches were private messaging me that they knew who I was but didn't know if I knew. MOMENT OF FREAK OUT AND PANIC!!! I thought it was a scam! Who are all these people I have never met but they were so closely related to me? I had to know more! I went back and looked at my dad's pictures to compare and kept asking, "Mike, don't I look like my Dad?" and he kept saying, "Yes you do" — but there were some things that didn't match. Very shortly after I found out the TRUTH of my IDENTITY. Something that would SHOCK me and turn my world completely upside down. Yes. I found out that I was donor-conceived.

Can you imagine living your entire life basically a lie of who your father was? Looking back I always knew something wasn't right. I am not going to blame my parents because they were told by the doctors to never tell; however, I still feel it was best to be HONEST. It would have truly shaped me in a different way. They are now saying tell your children AS EARLY AS POSSIBLE because of the psychological effects. Was it traumatic? You bet!!! Imagine looking in the mirror and trying to figure out who you are again? I was angry, hurt, traumatized, broken, lost, and it was a long grieving and healing process. Do I still believe my parents loved me? Absolutely. Did I still believe my parents believed they were doing the best for me? Yes, absolutely. However, this was not an easy walk. Now, I am choosing not to hide my IDENTITY of WHO I AM. I will not keep it a secret and follow the same path and be filled with shame. Just like when we know someone was adopted it is very similar in that way. We go through the same psychological factors as when someone doesn't find out they are adopted until later in life.

So here I am sharing my story. I came into a family of almost 20 siblings that we know of, and an Aunt who is lovingly involved in our lives. Unfortunately, the donor does not want involvement but he is a doctor and is healthy and in great shape (he competes in competitions). I have met 2 siblings so far in person. We have Skype meetings and yearly group meetups, although I am not quite ready for that yet. ;) I have finally found WHY I do what I do and can see qualities that I share with the other siblings. It has been a crazy journey but this is WHO I AM and where I came from. I hope you will be understanding with me opening up as well as be compassionate — and if you have a story to tell, please don't hold back. It could change someone's life."

A donor-conceived person (who found out via DNA testing that she was donor-conceived) shared what it was like to meet her half-brother and biological father for the first time: "They felt like family, and for me there was a sense of relief in that too. Like it's hard to put a finger on it but I think a good analogy would be like finding people who speak the same dialect as you. Like I've been trying to speak [my last name] all these years and it just never came naturally to me and it was always a struggle and I didn't know why. Then I find out it's because I was speaking [donor's last name] the whole time and discovered that talking to them is so much easier and intuitive in a way I haven't experienced before."

2015: Letter from a 10-year-old donor-conceived child to sperm bank

2014: Video of a 4-year-old girl explaining her donor conception

2013: Letter from 9-year-old Sebastien to President Obama, asking for a legal end to donor anonymity

John's story: A 53-year-old donor-conceived man tells his story of finding out that he is donor-conceived later in life: "My initial reaction was one of exhilaration — finally everything made sense. My second reaction was that nothing made sense — the bottom was dropping out of my life."

Susan Kane's letter: An excerpt of an open letter to the ASRM from Susan Kane, a donor-conceived person, who also has 2 donor-conceived children. Susan's letter was in response to Todd Essing's commentary (2011: Forbes: Balancing the Rights of Donor Offspring With Those of Donors: But What About Parents?), which was a response to Naomi Cahn and Wendy Kramer's commentary (2011: BioNews: The Birth of Donor Offspring Rights in the USA?).

"As anyone in the mental health field should know, decades and decades of adoption research has taught us that secrecy in families causes damage. It has taught us that learning that your parents are not your parents late in life wreaks havoc on your basic sense of trust. Most of all, adoption has taught us that genes matter.

They don't matter more than love. I never said they did. But I challenge you to find an adoption professional in North America today who would tell you that genetics is irrelevant in family creation. Genes matter — today more than ever. Genes matter to donor families. These families have specifically pursued infertility treatment rather than adoption. The fertility industry *exists* because genes matter. Allowing people to pass on their genetic material is what fertility treatment *does*. It amazes me that genes can matter to the families and doctors you serve and yet both you and Allison Rosen can't believe that they also matter to *me*."

(It's worth reading Susan's entire letter!)

2017: From Laura, a 37-year-old donor-conceived woman:
"When I was an early teen, I had this fantasy that I had a secret identity, which would eventually be revealed to me later. I've never admitted this to anyone until now. It wasn't a grandiose secret identity — just mysterious and a total wildcard that would eventually make sense. I had no idea why this idea cropped up at the time because who I was and where I came from seemed so obvious (I wasn't told about my conception.). But how appropriate that was, in hindsight.... I had real problems with my sense of identity until about 2 years ago (when my truth finally and shockingly emerged through technology) and had been inhibited in the public eye because of it. Asperger or introversion or family dynamics or just plain uniqueness were once the theories for this tendency, but there was obviously something else going on that made me feel like the odd woman out and made me want to retreat. There are so many things I've wanted to do but could never complete due to shaky confidence in who I was and what I had to offer. (For example, singing.)

This problem has been melting away quickly of late, and things are very clear now, like a light has been switched on. Secrets are felt viscerally, even when they aren't explicitly known, which is why they can be so toxic. And to fully build out who you are, you need to know where you came from. It's easy for those who don't know what this is like to take what they had for granted and tell you to get over it, because 'all that matters is who you choose to become.' But there's a primal need in all of us to understand our roots first (at the parental level) — before that can happen — like a psychological foundation for individuation. I've had an incredibly fortunate and privileged life and loving parents, for which I've always been grateful, so this isn't me bellyaching in a spoiled way. It's just that some things can't be replaced by a nice lifestyle or all the love in the world. Humans are weird, with all our specific needs. Wish it could be simpler."

2016: From a donor-conceived woman: "Genetic uncertainty has clouded my life since I was twelve years old, when I learned that my conception was facilitated by an anonymous sperm donor and artificial insemination. Though the shock dissolved in the following months, I’m reminded of this obscurity entwined in my DNA when I’m asked to fill out a medical history form at the doctor’s office and have to indicate that, genetically speaking, half of my family tree remains in shadow."

2016: From Kelly, a donor-conceived woman, on National Siblings Day:
"So, since I'm being prompted to remark on my thoughts on National Siblings Day, here's this from a sibling-without-her-siblings: I'm currently drinking tea out of my Sisters By Heart mug that my best friend gave me a number of years ago. I'm grateful for her and a number of good, close friends that I may or may not see or talk to often. But that's it as far as what I can count on for siblings, even though I know I have half-siblings out there.

Will I one day know them? While I can maybe learn who my biological father is at some point, I can't ever count on finding them. I wish. I wish I wasn't forcibly blocked from them by an unregulated medical industry that believes it depends on anonymity and deception, along with a number of other unethical principles it abides by.

One day, perhaps there will be justice for us. And, perhaps, one day, parents will actually tell my fellow donor-conceived people, including my half-siblings, of their true origins. Whether or not those DC people begin their own searches is up to them, but until then, there's almost no other explanation for why so few of us are actually looking for each other. Please, siblings ... don't let me be the only one forever."

2015: From one of the oldest egg donor offspring on the DSR:
"I was conceived by a donor egg in 1988. My mom says she does not remember any of the basic information about the egg donor (ethnicity, medical history, etc). I have called the clinic where I was conceived multiple times, left messages and never gotten a response back. The only information I have is the serial number of the petri dish I was made in, because the clinic gave my mom the petri dish as a souvenir. I am G**80.

I got that number tattooed on the back of my neck. I guess it was my way of trying to re-establish control and ownership of my own body after I had been told I had no legal rights (seeing as I was the product, and not one of the people involved) to my own genetic history and information.

I love my mom and her family, but it has always been extremely obvious that I do not share genetic material with them; aside from physical appearance, we have absolutely nothing in common in terms of shared interests, aptitudes, dislikes, taste, or personal traits. We are polar opposites to a comical degree."

Connecting with half-siblings should happen early:
"Just imagine being 20 something and finding siblings on your own when DNA testing is even more wildly popular, or they find you. You then develop some kind of relationship. You find that many of these siblings had parents who encouraged these relationships, even from babyhood. You see the pictures, you hear the stories. Disney, camping, birthdays.... A couple of them will be roomies in college, maid of honor in a sibling wedding, etc.

To me, this would be crushing. I would feel so cheated, whether or not I had great neighbor pals, awesome cousins, or even siblings from the same home."

From Sue Kane, a donor-conceived person and mother to a donor-conceived child:
"A family that is lying to a child about parentage is, by definition, not stable. The truth is always out there, only one internet search or blood test away from being exposed. Like adultery, like the closet, this lie is toxic to families.

It is not okay to lie to a child about who his parents are for 10, 20, 30, 40 or 50 years. Infertility treatment exists because genes matter. People sue each other because genes matter. People take their own children home from the hospital because genes matter. Love matters too. But genetics mattered to our parents and they matter to us. Stop lying about it."

These tips are for donor-conceived adults who just found out, either because their parents finally told them or because they discovered the truth on their own. Also available as a downloadable PDF.

Contacting your donor for the first time can be an exciting yet scary experience. You might be nervous about making a good first impression, or you might be worried about scaring them away.

Here’s some advice for contacting your donor for the first time:

2014: Survey responses from 305 donor-conceived people, in response to the question "What would you like other people considering using donor gametes or donated embryos to know that you have learned?"