In 2005 my then 15-year-old son located his biological father, my donor, via a DNA test. He was the first to do this and therefore there was no precedent. We walked into the unknown with hope and excitement.
But the first few months were a little bumpy as we, and Ryan's new biological family, worked together to figure out how to define this new connection. What were we to each other? Strangers? Family? Something in-between? At one point, my son's biological father even asked my son, "what does your mother want from me?" Ryan responded by saying that his mother didn't want anything, that the reason he reached out was for his own curiosity and willingness to explore what type of relationship might be possible.
I realized almost immediately that I really did want something. I wanted to be able to express my gratitude, for without this man I wouldn't have the child that I couldn't imagine my life without. Within a few days of that initial contact, I had already penned my gratitude letter, but I wasn't ready for the intense emotion that came after hitting the "send" button. It was as if a 20,000 lb weight was lifted from my shoulders. I had no idea that expressing my gratitude to this man that I had not yet met, but who gave 50% of his DNA to my child, would feel so significant and profound.
Parents, even if you don't yet know who your child's other biological parent is, I highly recommend writing your own gratitude letter. Share it with your child. Use the process to acknowledge feelings or emotions that you maybe haven't yet expressed.
