Couples Counseled to “Not Tell”?

By admin on July 15, 2008

I have had quite a few people join the DSR this week with notes saying
that they are not telling their child that they are donor conceived
because their husband will not allow it. For heterosexual couples out

Did you receive any education/counseling from your doctor, facility or
sperm bank in regards to disclosure? Any suggestions made? Any
counseling offered to deal with infertility?

I am pointing these folks to the reading materials on the
“Articles and Issues” page, the “FAQ” page and the Cambridge
“Research” page for articles on the importance of (early) disclosure.
I am hearing back from some of these women saying that their husbands
will not read or even consider telling the kids. I wonder how we can
get the sperm banks/doctors/clinics to better educate the dads?
Somehow the shame of infertility needs to be dealt with as well as the
fear of rejection because of not being biologically related to your
children. If these families would have told right from the beginning,
and been honest with their kids, it wouldn’t be such a loaded issue,
as now there is a secret and people have been lied to. The older donor
conceived people that have found out later in life seem to be much
more rattled at having been lied to, than learning hat they are donor

So far, the clinics/doctors/facilities have been unwilling to include
any disclosure literature that I have sent them in their new patient
packets (except for Xytex!). So the battle is getting this industry to
realize the importance of honesty in families. The Cambridge Research
is one step along the way….but we have not made a dent in the way
this industry continues to operate.